): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
