I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
accomplished twins. life is a go
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
