Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Couch. On fire.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
