Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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