my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
