when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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