You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
