just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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