...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
