Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to calm my uterus...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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