I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
