You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
