Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
