It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
