Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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