if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
