goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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