im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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