Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
