anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
