So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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