My pussy is not your playground.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
