If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
