the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
