My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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