The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
