i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
