"it" just moved
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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