I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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