Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A bitchslap is in order.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
