It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
