I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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