I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
