There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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