Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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