i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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