i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
