I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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