we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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