you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
