If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
