No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
