dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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