Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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