you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
