apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
