I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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