I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He passed out mid-signature
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
