saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
