She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
