Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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