Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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