Pappa wants mamma naked
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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