my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
