you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
