that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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