I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
