a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
