wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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