R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
